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hm i had so much fun last night! i really wanted to go to kelsey's party and i know everyone will be talking about it monday and ill seem like the loser that didnt go, but hey its not like i had a choice. anyways im glad i did go to the bar mitzvah, 7th graders are actually fun! haha. anyways... i realized that if u go into something with a positive outlook you can make it fun. i really dont have anything to say in here anymore, and i think im going to delete lj so this might be my last entry. thanks for caring, those of u who did.
luv.manda.
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1 people screamed/ wake me up.
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roz has my gummi bears!!!
today was a lot of fun.
nelson needs to come back.
im in a party mood.
i need a hug.
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wake me up.
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Wednesday, April 17th, 2002
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i love the smell of summer! i can already see camp... lying down today at track and all i saw was sky and it made me want to be at camp so bad... sry i love u all here, but camp is summer. but ill be here for a little while... for bball. and nick we have plans right... i cant wait for beaches and all that crap... and schools end and parties and... yeah. im having a tricky friend situation right now. i luv ya all! this is just plain stupid now...
~manda
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wake me up.
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im in pain... everyone is. i am not a long distance runner. i love running though! its a way out... i dont think about anything but running. cept im bad at it but who cares. im bad at writing too. so im going to stop. maybe sleep... i feel like an old lady.
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wake me up.
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i sat there, in the dark, and i realized he wasnt going to make the first move and i would probably have to. they told me he was shy, and he said he wanted to kiss me, but guess they were right. and i knew i would regret it if i didnt do something! but i didnt. and guess what. im regretting. from now on i think im going to completely act on my impulses. if i think i should do something im going to do it. because i end up regretting not doing or saying whatever it is i wanted to. there are so many things i'd just like to blurt out to people. how i really feel deep inside. i keep a lot of stuff hidden, even though i know i shouldnt. but some of its better down there. you know what, i miss my sister. u should be happy nick... michelle come home i need one of ur weak hugs :). oh well... theres one thing out. haha. yeah so anyways hes gone... who knows when he'll be back. im going up north today. if any of u want please e-mail me so i have something to do. thats all i have to say for now... except its snowing really fast!!! sweet. i sat outside on my deck yesterday in my sleeping bag and read and thought for a really long time. it was really cold, but i was sort of numb to it because i was thinking so hard... now im thinking again. muahahaha. oh well.
luv.suzie.q., hazel, manda, amanda. choose whichever one u like. they're all the same person.
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wake me up.
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Thursday, April 4th, 2002
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Wednesday, April 3rd, 2002
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Amanda's party was so much fun! haha "if you give ur party a stupid name, it'll be fun." julie- "i'm gonna have a polish party!" anyways yeah... breaks been really good, but my allergies are acting up now so thats not cool. I'm a Rebel now. just thought i'd let u all know... if u want to know details ask me cuz im too lazy to type. i really cant think of anything to write. i just felt like updating.
luv.manda.
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2 people screamed/ wake me up.
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I'm Jewish. but people don't know- i've been asked if i was hebrew before. but kailyn made me feel really well, important because shes asking all these questions about the religion. and i know the answers too... so im glad i've half-listened in hebrew school all these years... i asked so many people today what the hell bunnies have to do w/ easter(jesus crist coming alive has nothing to do with bunnies!!!) and no one knew!! someone tell me please...
At our school theres about 10 Jewish kids in our grade. So whenever someone says Jewish, or Jew, or Judaism heads turn to me. i dont know why, maybe because its more known that I'm Jewish or whatever... but sometimes i dont like to be singled out like that. i mentioned it to my mom and she told me i should never be ashamed of my religion. im not though! im just shy when i'm sitting in a class and 20 heads turn to look at me, because of something i am. i am proud of who i am, but people shouldnt single me out because of it!!! or should they? when i think of Jewish people being singled out... i think of the discrimination against them during the Holocaust, and in Egypt... and in Israel... In the first of Sunday's two suicide blasts, a Palestinian from the Islamic militant group Hamas blew himself up in a restaurant in Haifa, killing himself and 15 diners, and wounding more than 40...Two hours later, a suicide bomber walked into a paramedics' dispatch station in the Jewish settlement of Efrat in the West Bank and detonated his explosives. The attacker died and four medics were wounded, including a trainee who was in serious condition... in the past 18 months 416 Israelis have been killed by terrorists action, this does not include the many suicide bombers...Prime Minister Ariel Sharon said Israel was at war for its survival and vowed to smash Palestinian militants in an uncompromising offensive as he addressed a nation rattled by five suicide bombings in five days - including back-to-back attacks Sunday that killed 15 Israelis. I'm sorry if that depresses or scares any of you or anything... but it should. I just think that the terror and cruelty and casualties going on EVERY DAY in Israel should be more known to people our age. I have one extremely close friend in Israel, Noy, and every time I hear there was another bombing i freak... and these bombings are directed at us... These past five days- our holiday. Passover... they chose our holiday to strike. im proud of who i am. very proud. and i should be.
im not sure what made me write all this, maybe kailyn... maybe cuz its passover. and the 10 commandments was on tonight. i dont know what it was... but i just thought i'd let u all know... so goodnight.
one more thing this is an e-mail from Noy: In U.S you are going to school in Pesach? we aren't go for two
weaks and five days! It is so fun but we have a realy big problen... in is
SO danger to go to malls and stuff like this because all the terror. I hate this situation so much... every day more peple dy! and in another one she said... you dont know how is to liv like this. there is much terror and more casualties every day yeah... well now im done. goodnight.
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1 people screamed/ wake me up.
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Saturday, March 30th, 2002
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~don't you hate it so much when people lie
~im going crazy without bread and i cant stop eating jelly beans(and fruit roll-ups haha roz and kel)
~i need to talk to someone before i go crazy... and they need to keep what i say private
~i had so much fun last night
~i wish my wishes would come true
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2 people screamed/ wake me up.
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Wednesday, March 27th, 2002
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| Time: | 9:44 pm. |
| Mood: | wondering. | | Music: | my sister yelling at me to let her on. |
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my grandpa is the coolest grandpa ever. Besides the fact he has an earring and rides around on a harley(hes about to take a 10 day trip to FL where he is planning on getting a tatoo) he is the sweetest guy ever. he reminds me of mr. l actually... but i dont want to get into that. anyways- i love going to my grandparents house. i was there tonight for Passover, which most of you probably dont know what that is but if u want to know ask me in school. haha santa knows(kailyn). umm anyways- their house. they've lived in the same house for over 40 years, so that was the house my dad was raised in. i just think thats really cool. knowing that its been there for so long... its something that hasnt changed my entire life... i dont get along good with change.
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wake me up.
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| Time: | 9:06 pm. |
| Mood: | crushed. | | Music: | saves the day~ see you. |
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its taken me a really long time to figure out what to write in here... im shocked... so sudden and final... and Mr. L... he was such a wonderful person. he will never be forgotten... and im here for any of u that need to talk... and i could talk to someone myself. but instead i wrote. cuz thats what i do to get stuff out, obviously. its not my best, its how i feel.
Mr. L?
I wish we had one more chance
To tell him how much we all cared
I wish we had one more chance
To tell him how much we enjoyed the time we shared
All the memories I have of him
Are of his encouragement and his smile
But it hurts to say
I hadn?t had a chance to talk with him in a while
He always was there to lend a hand
Happy, patient, and kind
Mr. L never gave up on anyone
His words seemed to stick in your mind
He was a wonderful teacher, father, coach, person in general
Such a great person, he didn?t deserve to die
We do know he?s in heaven though
I just wish I could?ve said goodbye
Rest in Peace Mr. Lindstrom?
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wake me up.
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Thursday, March 21st, 2002
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nothings wrong, everythings solved, my life seems to be going along just great. but sometimes i feel so alone and lost... i tried rearranging my room today. like a new me... but it didnt work. nothing did. thats sort of how i feel life is. i'll try to change and be a better person. more fun to hang with, make people laugh more, be nicer to people... but i seem to fall back to where i was before. like im running in place, stuck in one spot. caged in. or is it maybe... i dont want to change?
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wake me up.
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i posted this on dj but im putting it on here too.
if i end up falling
down lower than the ground
would u answer my calling
or let me go down?
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2 people screamed/ wake me up.
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sometimes.i.stay.up.late.at.night.and.stare.out.my.window. stare.at.the.stars. what does staring at places i will never go do? sometimes.i.stare.off.into.space.looking.at.nothing.at.all. what does wasting time accomplish in my life at all? we all need a break... dont you wish life could be put on pause... or rewind. a rewind button would definitely be useful... my life would be completely different(socially and emotionally) if i had a rewind button... i'd make friends with people who are truthful and true before the deceitful and bitchy ones. and i'd understand more... rewind...
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3 people screamed/ wake me up.
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well im finally sitting down. this weekend has been extremely stressful and busy, but fun. i spent a lot of time in the car. which means a lot of time listening to music, mostly dashboard... so liv- u told me u wanted one of my "old" entries- so here it is.
i am so confused right now. about everything(whoo mike just signed on- how perfect was that?). okay well lets start with my family... how do u think it feels to live in the same house with someone who hates you. i dont hate her, but she still hasnt apologized for barging in on my life. it pisses me off so much- shes blind to how her actions affect other people. how they hurt them... but my parents are great- so thats rare for people our age isnt it... guess im lucky in that area. umm friends... i dont understand... how can someone like you so much, come to you for all their problems, for advice- but then it seems when u need them they're never there... i love my friends, i do. you guys are all awesome. i just feel like im not myself around some of you. im afraid of being judged i guess. i shouldnt. but i am. thats another thing... im so clueless to who i am. around one person i may be talking about some punk band and move on to the next and they're talking about something completely different. i dont change... i think. i just want everyone to like me. i know thats not wrong- but is it right?? and then theres mike. i know most of you will be like get over it... but theres little reminders everywhere. and it totally wrecked our friendship... and come on. u dont just forget being dumped on v-day. i see all of u w/ ur bfs and gfs and i constantly wonder- why isnt that me? whats wrong w/ me? comparing myself, putting myself down. constantly. 24-7 (haha caitlin). oh gd now im working myself up again. all this stuff that i keep inside bubbles at the rough surface of destruction. and then when it does come out- i normally over react... blow everything out of proportion. oh well... im done. thanks liv hope u enjoyed all that.
luv.hazel.
(thats what skot calls me and he says to tell everyone that he hurt his toe playing ping pong).
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1 people screamed/ wake me up.
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i just wrote a whole entry but then deleted it because i didnt like it... no school today. hope u all missed me and had fun at the play. got my progress report. mr. baird really doesnt like me. i hate it that i cant go out. i was looking forward to tonight so much. oh well maybe shoe shopping tomorrow right caitlin?! ew i smell spaghetti. my families eating dinner. eating is not something im going to do in the near future. i dont like missing school... or missing getting together w/ friends. im so scared im going to miss something. like u know how u miss a party or something and then everyones talking about it. i hate that "left-out" feeling. it shouldnt bug me but it does... (i dont care right kara). oh well this is getting sorta long... and its not even what i really want to say. ill probably write something long later... there is stuff i want to say... til next time-
~manda
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1 people screamed/ wake me up.
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Wednesday, March 6th, 2002
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| Time: | 1:33 pm. |
| Mood: | amused. | | Music: | stupid people asking questions. |
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oh this is cool i downloaded one of those client things. hmm... im in social studies and the teacher left a full class unattended w/ our laptops and internet cards. idiot. we're all on AIM and crap. im pretty bored still... hmm... i can't think of anything interesting to say. who actually understands all this stock market crap anyway? ill write more later...
until eternity ends(this class) ~manda
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4 people screamed/ wake me up.
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hmm... its amazing how people can just turn on you. one minute you think they're your best friend and the next it seems they have someone who they feel is "better" or something. im not experiencing this... i guess. just watching. its a crappy feeling. i wonder whose there for me? who will keep my secrets? who can i TELL w/e i want... and they WONT get offended. the truth. about everything... and the TRUTH about how i feel... about everyone. i am having such trust issues lately... maybe i should have a little faith in people- but hey. we're all only human. and thats what scares me.
luv.manda.
(please stop doing quizzes people! or @ least dont post them... no offense but we dont care and it takes forever to load! thanks!!! luv ya anyway!)
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2 people screamed/ wake me up.
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Wednesday, February 27th, 2002
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| Time: | 2:43 pm. |
| Mood: | aggravated. |
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at school... gd i want to be at home... everyone is sick though. everyone will get better. eventually... i have nothing to say on here anymore. i just dont care. im in a pissed off mood. people r pissing me off... and michelle- no. just no.
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2 people screamed/ wake me up.
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dodgekiss88's journal